For Parents - Part Two

The last time I wrote a small blog for parents was in 2022, when I first began teaching music lessons on my own. Since then, I've had a few more thoughts swimming around in my brain, and have had hundreds of conversations with parents of students, I decided I now want to articulate what I've been thinking about.

What makes taking lessons with us actually different? Thats a very generic question all music schools have hopefully asked themselves. And I think about it sometimes. What I know about Music on Brawley is that I want students to be looking forward to their lessons. I never want them to feel a sense of dread - they have enough things to be dreadful about as they continue to grow and learn their roles in society, as students, as family members, as young members of their communities. They will continue to develop responsibilities in their life. I usually want lessons to be a place where they can find a hobby that they genuinely are excited about!

So yes, having music lessons be a fun and rewarding experience is something I highly consider valuable as a studio owner. However, I'd like to walk you through what I've seen in some students and families regarding lessons.

"Jenny"

Student does a trial lesson in piano. Shes 10 years old. I meet her and her parents on the day of her trial lessons. My dogs greet her happily, and we all sit down and make introductions.

My hypothetical student, Jenny, sits down with eager eyes looking down at the keys. Shes excited. Shes very chatty, and really wants to learn how to play but she doesn't know what song she wants to learn or what style of music. So I ask her a few questions, and I find that she likes Ed Sheeran. So we start by introducing the notes, and I simply show her how to play the first chord, how to hold her fingers, etc.

Shes able to play the first two chords, and she becomes very excited becasuse she recognizes it. From there, we start to practice the first four chords (the only four chords in this song, as it turns out) in the right hand.

Two weeks later, shes playing the song. The rhythm is a little shaky, but I can recognize it. I applaude her! Shes smiling, her moms smiling, even Uma is smiling (my husky). It seems like piano will be something Jenny really enjoys!

I continue to give her music to work on, sometimes adding some variety or challenge to my selections, and she builds a little repertoire of three songs she can more-or-less play pretty well.

1 Year Later

Some time after the novelty of piano lessons wears off, Jenny has been practicing way less than she used to. I never had to ask Jenny to practice, she just played piano because thats what she did. However, we've been stuck on a piece for a while now, the chord changes are pretty difficult. Her mom reports to me that lately its felt like a chore getting Emily to practice her piano for the last 2-3 months.

This is a challenging place to be, and this should really be where we as a music school should be attentive. There are several reasons why the student has stopped practicing.

1. Too much challenge. I personally have been guilty of this many times as an instructor. When I have a student who is doing well with their lessons, I tend to challenge them with more demanding music and techniques. Because I want to see the student grow and flourish in their musicianship, sometimes I've gotten carried away and give them something that, theortically, they could learn how to play but its years ahead of their skill level.

It is important to challenge your students, however it has to be somewhat balanced.

If the reward is delayed significantly, it if will take the student several months to learn the song. Part of being an effective instructor is learning to decipher what level of challenge is enough to engage the student's desire to succeed, and what level of challenge can kill the student's motivation. Its a tough line to navigate that I've learned to exhibit cauition with.

The main take away, is that music that is both too challenging and too easy can often make the student feel 'bored'. When you've found the right level of challenge for the student, the addictive nature of practicing begins to manifest, and that is what we want!

2. The music/style is not interesting to them. Ideally, the student knows what kind of music they want to be able to play. Maybe they want to play piano because they heard a classical piece that sounded cool to them. Maybe they love video games, so they want to play and learn music from Minecraft. Maybe they listen to ACDC and love the idea of playing rock!

For students, we will often try and experiment with several styles, instruments, and techniques. Especially for those younger students who don't seem very excited about guitar. I've had many students switch to playing rock riffs from chords and their excitement and interest skyrocketed. Its no secret that whatever excites the student most is what we should be teaching them. That way, the student is happy because they are learning what they want to learn, the parents are happy because their kid is playing, and the teacher is happy because we have things to talk about in lessons!

3. Distractions. Lack of structure. I'll be honest, I didn't practice every time my parents told me to either. They bought me a snare drum, but come on man, the nintendo 64 just came out. How could the snare drum compete with that? Not to mention my buddies were playing outside and I wanted to do that more than play the snare drum most days.

4. Other Reasons. Lastly, there are other legitamate reaons why playing has taken a back seat. Other obligations that are mandatory, personal/familial issues that take priority, injuries, etc. If the student still loves their lessons, they simply may need to restructure their practice routine to adjust their current schedules. Better to practice a little less than to quit because soccer season started.

Where Parents Come In

I have mixed feelings about structure and displine. On one hand, I like to be able to do what I want, when I want to do it. On the other hand, I'd be absolutely nowhere in life if that was my only code of ethics: do what I want all the time, and don't ever do what I don't want to do.

It turns out, this is a great opportunity to begin instilling values in our students, your children. The dichotomy of duty and responsibility. To introduce the idea that the student may want learn how to play guitar very well in the future, but they may need to practice now to acheive that.

It is not our role to decide what works best for your child. Instead, we find its best to have these conversations with the parents. There are really two camps of parents: results-oriented and fun-oriented. Both are useful frames to be in, both have pros and cons. And, most families are a balance of both!

Fun-Oriented Parents

This is, admittedly, the vast majority of parent's desires for their children. They simply want their kid to enjoy a productive hobby seperate from video games, TV, and bordom which will engage them, mentally stimulate them, and challenge them.

Something that is proven to help in their brain development, and develop social skills, problem solving, and more. Its not to say that progress doesn't matter to these parents, its that seeing their kid excited about something other than chicken nuggets or spongebob (both things I personally love) is gratifying to them.

The Pros

Firstly, the student has the freedom to learn music at their own pace. Most of my younger students tend to maintain their excitement and interest when parents take this frame. They are excited to jam with me, to learn a song, and music lessons are looked forward too. Its not a mandatory class where they must perform well every week. They are always playing music, working on a song with me, etc.

Basically, its 30% learning and 70% good times and fun. That 70% isnt just goofing off though. My one rule is that we must atleast be playing music! We are jamming. If they didn't work on the song from last week, I still have them work on it, but just one section, and we work on the rhythm, and make it something they can play.

The Cons

Because fun is more of a priority, the discipline to practice at home can potentially take a back seat. Students will often still practice at home when we've gotten thejm sufficiently excited about music, but its more like they practice 1-2 times per week rather than daily. Sometimes, even for the "fun" parents, this is not sufficient for them.

This is when it's a fantastic opportunity to introduce the concept of discipline and responsibility. Dedication. And no negotiation. If they want to continue taking lessons, we need them to play at home some. Daily? Probably not, because it may be too early for that level of commitment anyways. But at least 2-3 times a week, they should be playing their instrument.

Results-oriented Parents

As a parent enrolling your child in music lessons, you believe in the importance of structure and progress. You value consistency, displine, respoinsiblity, these sorts of things. You want to see steady, regular progress of your son or daughter. This is actually an incredibly useful and beneficial expectation to have on both your child and your choice of music lessons studio.

One thing we do is regularly provide notes for the parents on the student is working on, what they did during the lesson, and short term or long term goals that have been set for them. You expect to have them able to play a song in atleast the first 1-3 months, have some knowledge of their instrument, and perform well at our open mics.

The Pros

The expectations are very clear for the teacher and the student. There are ground rules set at home for how much the student practices (I recommend 30-60 minutes per day minimum). There is no negotiating with the student, if they intent to continue taking lessons, they must meet their daily practice requirements for the most part. Parents who take an active role in their child's progress are more likely to see results from lessons.

The Cons

Too much of anything can have negative consequences. While I think this frame is useful and important, it can result in the child viewing lessons as a chore, another activity that robs them of their free time and joy. Something to be dreaded. We really don't want the student to feel like that, because the joy of playing music must always be the most important thing, even for professional musicians.

What kind of parent are you? I'd be interested to hear your feedback on this post, particularly balancing the fun aspect of playing music with your expectations as their parent. Many parents will have different philosophies on this, and I think that is interesting! Your feedback is highly valuable in this regard!